Updates

Holy fuck I fail at life. Ive been in a pie coma. Updates are coming soon! 2010 is going to be Year of the Douche! I have all sorts of great ideas for the blog to implement! It's going to be amazing!

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Vote for the douche of the week!

Short week I know - I figured it's time to vote and then this weekend we'll start new.

So vote and tell your friends!

Douche of the Day: Bill O'Reilly

Well, this can't come as a huge shocker. Bill O'Reilly is one of those twats who is just a constant douche. He doesn't have one redeemable quality about him. So I have no baseline of his level of douche because EVERYTHING he says/does is at an epic level of douche. Nothing is a huge shocker anymore, regardless of how outlandish and ignorant the things he says are. But I was reminded the other day about how I needed to include him, after he done pissed off Ice-T and talked some shit about how his name and his joke of a political party were portrayed in the latest L&O episode. Whatever.

I'm not even concerned about all that, but let's take a journey back to retro-douchedom and explore some of this fucking windbag's finer moments... He has inspired such websides as O'Rielly Sucks.com and Sweet Jesus I Hate Bill O'Reilly, International, oh any my personal favorite, Bill O'Reilly Is A Big Blubbering Vagina (check out the bingo card on there - FUCKING EPIC).

Pretty much Billy boy likes to hit on teh ladiez, especially the youngens (google his sexual harassment suit). He even watched a porno and was telling some broad about it... What a fucking skeevy, pervy old fuck. He's a big conservative windbag who likes to yell a lot, especially when challenged politically. The majority of the things he has to say are archaic and washed-up points of view. Every time he opens his mouth he says something that's fucking racist and/or offensive to some group that doesn't fall under the category of WASP.

All I know is Billy done pissed off the hip-hop community this time so his ass is about to get shanked.

Sous Flay Speaketh: An Expose on Douchebaggery and Asshattery

Okay so we all know Bobby Flay is "the original douche". He was the inspiration to start this blog and any kind of Bflay news I must share, it's my civic duty. So I follow him on twitter, as a lot of us do. It's a running joke that we all abuse Bobby Flay on there because he never reads anything anyone says so we all harass him. I, personally, on numerous occasions have told him he is ugly, I hate him, he probably has sex with Tom Cruise, and that I would like to have his wife. No matter, Bobby don't read that shit anyhow.

Then, two fateful nights ago, Sous Flay tweets "why all the hate? let's chill and drink a mojito" or some fucking shit. Prompting the rest of us to muster a big "W-T-F?" Well we assume it's some sort of trickery and we continue to harass. I ask Bobby very crassly if he knows teh ladiez enjoy his wife and he fucking responds to me. So then this banter goes on and I will be one to admit that my black and rotten heart did melt for just a moment, and momentarily I did feel bad because here's Bobby Flay, the doucher himself up hanging with us twitterati members and trying to be civil.

I found myself at an impasse... here's Bobby being nice and I couldn't even come up with a civil question to ask him. Eventually I did ask him what his favorite beer was, to which he said Sam Smith's Nut Brown Ale which I will say is a damn good beer - I cannot fault the man there. But yes, beginning to feel kind of bad for the mean things we all said... Until he decides to hit on some leatherface (thanks Kris! :) skank from Real Housewives... Hey fuckface, remember you have a wife? Right? You were just talking about her! So here's proof thanks to the wonderful and ever-quick Vannessa...



Okay wow that's awesome Bobby. You totally just did that. So anyway, I guess Bobby must have realized that perhaps he need not be so open about the fact that he's a disgusting womanizer. The guilt ate away ate our least favorite chef and decided to immediately delete it...



Obviously Sous Flay did not watch his Sesame Street because as Bert and Ernie used to fucking say, "one of these things is not like the other!" So my heart has returned to black & rotten and my hatred for the Bflay is still intact and Stephanie March continues to deserve exponentially better. I have a feeling this will not be my last twitter post about the tomfoolery of Bobby Flay on twitter.

Epic Douchebaggery

I'm in the process of editing, I'm finally on break and my life is much less hectic. Some things you will see coming FOR SURE in the next 12 hours:
-an expose on the recent asshattery of Bobby Flay
-a two-pack douche of the day

And coming tomorrow will be voting for our prior douches.

The blog is mildly under construction as I have a lot of good ideas where I'd like this blog to go, I want to do more than just the douche of the day... I think this could be really fucking sweet if I'd get off my lay ass and just do it.

So just an FYI, it's coming! (that's what she said!)

Update very soon!

After a long hiatus, it's time we resume our mission. I will update later today with a douche two-pack and some other douche news!


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Douche of the Day: ME

Just like to offer myself up there, for neglecting this fucking blog. I have not forgotten and as soon as my life gets a little less crazy we will drive on in our quest to identify the douches of the world. it's finals week and I leave tomorrow morning for San Diego, but I will have some downtime soon, and we will keep on keepin' on.

I also would like to point out that I will be coming in close contact with one of our previous douches of the day this coming Thursday. I have tickets to Chelsea Lately and Perez Hilton is one of the fucking round table people. Fuck my life. I'm going to try to say something crass and get thrown out. I can't go to the chokey though.

Anyhoo, updates soon.

Douche of the Day: Megan Phelps-Roper and the Westboro Baptist Church

Maybe the Douche Blog won't be so much LOLz today. Seriously, these people COULD BE bigger douches than Bobby Flay, and those of you who know me, you know that would take a lot for me to say. You might remember the news stories where this group of people picket soldiers' funerals, with their signs that say "THANK GOD FOR DEAD SOLDIERS". These are the same people, who instead of getting together at their church for coffee and cookies after their service, get together to make signs that say "BURN IN HELL FAGS".

And while they've been douches all along, I feel it's necessary now, as Megan Phelps-Roper has started a twitter account to spread her looney hatred and picket schedules into Teh Interwebz. Yesterday was the world AIDS day, and Twitter turned every tweet red if you added the hashtag #red at the end of each tweet. This fucking bitch goes as far to tweet yesterday "Thank God for AIDS" and something about how it punishes sinners or some shit. And go figure just as I try to link it this morning, she's deleted it. I tweet her on a regular basis, often saying "fuck you, you're a twat, yada yada". It's my personal mission to harass her so much that she deletes her twitter account. I would LOVE to be responsible for that.

This bitch and her church have such a hatred for the gays that mostly all things bad are blamed on the gays. My opinion is that there is a special place in hell for those fuckfaces, and Megan Phelps, who acts as their mouthpiece, well she will have her lips permanently attached to the vag of the devil (because the devil is clearly a woman... and a LESBIAN! and a veteran probably!!!) to perform cunnilingus for the remainder of eternity. Anytime Megan is ready to come out of the closet, we'll be ready for her.

Let me tell you a funny story I've had with the congregation cock suckers of that so-called church. We'd just gotten back from our deployment in Afghanistan, and were back at Ft. Bragg. These clowns were picketing outside the base, in Fayetteville. I was on lunch with some friends, and saw these assholes, and got PISSED. My friend had n orange in his car, left over from breakfast that morning. I made him stop and I rolled down the window and chucked that fucking orange and it drilled some bitch in the damn face. HAHA.

So fuck you, Megan and your fucking church. Thanks for using Jesus as an excuse to be a bigoted asshole. I bet Jesus thinks you all are a bunch of fucks who need to evolve.

Douche of the Day: Geriatric Drivers

I'm positive there is nothing I hate more (besides Republicans) than geriatric drivers. Maybe it's because I have road rage so bad that it might kill me one day, but when I get behind an old person in traffic, I have the urge to floor it and smash into the back of their car. I swear to god if I did not have insurance, I'd do it!

The worst day to encounter these douches is on Sunday mornings/afternoons. They just mosey down the fucking interstate like they don't have nowhere to be. While the rest of us civilized people are either driving home from someone's house we crashed at after a night of boozing, or on our way to get some form of fast food to cure a hangover. Out of my way, Grandma Fuckface! Just because you're not in a hurry to drive (or die) doesn't mean the rest of us have to fucking suffer.

I truly believe that after like age 55 you should be required to take a driver's test. It's a pass/fail basis and if you fail it once, you're shit out of luck for driving again. You better hope they let your ass drive in heaven (or hell, wherever you go), because you ain't driving here. And if you pass you are retested until you fail. Sorry gramps, take the fucking bus to Walmart for your Preparation H and your bag of Werther's Original.

I also love how these fucks always have the same car. You know IMMEDIATELY if you are in the vicinity of a geriatric driver (as if them going 45 in a 70 on the interstate wasn't a big enough red flag) because they are driving some sort of vehicle that has a length comparable to a boat or motorhome. Lincoln Towncar. The Crown Victoria. Oldsmobiles. Buicks. You get the point. You'd think with Ethyl's fucking glaucoma she wouldn't be able to navigate that som'bitch.

DOUCHE.