Thursday, January 14, 2010

Douche of the Day: Terrorists

During the hiatus, we had the infamous "Christmas Day Crotch Bomber". If you were too hopped up on eggnog and fucking holiday cheer, let me break it down for you. So ol' boy is on the aero-plane, they're coming back from Amsterdam, landing in Detroit. From what I understand, this twat was in the bathroom forever... that's what raised the concern. So from now on, any fat ass that's taking the world's longest shit on the airplane, is going to get Jack Bauer and air marshals after him and they turn the plane around?

And at first I didn't take this shit seriously cos when the reports first came in, they said some fool let off some damn fire crackers on the plane. My logical conclusion is to think it's some high ass motherfucker who's so stoned from his High Times Cannabis Cup that he did in Amsterdam and let off some fucking firecrackers for funsies. Wrong answer.

Anyway the crotch bomber started this whole fucking thing with the TSA now, and it's really the beginning of the end, which is why I say ALL terrorists are the douche of the day. Now the TSA is about to be treating us all like we all have a bomb strapped to our fucking crotches. I know Port Columbus is getting some Superman X-Ray machines that you walk through and not only can they see you naked, but they can also read your fucking thoughts. It's going to take twice as long to travel. These fucking douchelords ruin everything.

You'd think these terrorist would come up with more creative ideas. But then again, joke's on America for being dumb twats too! We let fuckface take over an airplane with a BOX CUTTER. We let some other fuckface onto an airplane with a bomb made out of something stupid like bleach and a garage door opener strapped to his twig and giggs. But seriously. The airplane thing is old dudes. Figure it out. And I'm ready for Osama bin Laden to release his next video. I swear to god that guy is like fucking Tupac. People try to say he's dead then he releases albums!

Here's my next question. What do you assume bin Laden does up in his cave he's hiding in? I mean he's hiding in the caves somewhere in Pakistan or some shit. Ain't shit for MILES. No 7-11, no Red Lobster, no nothin. Does his cohorts send him packages? Like a box with some nobakes and some sudoku puzzles? These are things I think about.

ANYHOO. Terrorist ruin everything. Now you done cut into my travel time. Douchelords.


  1. Mmmmm ... I love nobakes!!

  2. LMAO! I actually think Bin Ladin is reading tvguide and wondering how he can get NBC to set him up with a late night show. Glad to see you back in business. I have missed the douceyness.

  3. I bet bin laden watches Jay Leno

  4. And they have to come up with the most complex plots. The Nigerian guy got the visa. He's in. He could walk into any mall in America just before Xmas and detonate. So simple. But they have this stupid fascination with planes. Why??? I am not terrorized...just annoyed as hell! I want my liquids!!

    So on the other hand, maybe we should be thankful they're obsessed with planes. If they did it in a mall or even school...OMG! Can you imagine trying to get thru TSA? You'd never make it to class on time!

  5. Bin laden is probably watching:

    SVU reruns or American Idol to see who he can crush on next. ( member the Whitney crush ) During the day he watches Discovery science or myth busters.

    Or the Food network's douchebag .. how to grill goats with jalepeno/ habanero chilies drinking alcohol free magarita's