Friday, January 15, 2010

Douche of the Day: Tiger Woods

Tiga, Tiga Woods, ya'll!

I've been fighting the urge to do this one because all anyone does right now is talk about Tiger Woods and I'm about fucking tired of it. However, since every bitch he's ever fucked is crawling out the damn woodwork, imma have to add him on here. (random aside: I think the hero of the year goes to Elin, his soon to be ex-wife (I'm sure), because I heard she went ballistic on his ass with a 9 iron or some shit!)

As all these skanks come crawling out to talk about seksi times with Tiger.. each story is more ridiculous than the next! Pretty common... sex and money... some bitch is up on the news saying Tiger gave her lots of money and hours of sex for Christmas... So thoughtful! Can you return it if you get the clap? Just wondering. He's been around. I guess he hits for both teams and likes to partake in wild orgy parties and shit. What do you expect? He plays golf for a fucking living. Golf is fucking BORING and if I did that shit all day, every day, I might need some spice in my life too. Then again, I might take up baking or maybe some travel, not attend orgy parties. He needs drug tested. I bet he does blow too. People who go to orgy parties always to cocaine.

What I think is funny is the position Tiger is in... He's not losing any of his endorsements. Like he's got the Tiger Woods PGA tour games for all the game systems... he can't lose that shit - who else are they going to put in there? New! For XBox!! Jack Nicholas, Senior PGA Tour 2010!!! Comes with a free box of Icy Hot and a bag of Werther's Original!!! Yeah... no.

And I think because he knows he's got to save face, he's checked in to the classic "sex rehab" that these celebrities check into so we can feel sorry for their adulterous lifestyle. Because it's clearly a "condition". What I want to know is, what happens in sex rehab? Do they cut off your peen and paste pictures of your grandma all over the walls of your room to distract you from your raging hard on? Who knows. I think it's a bunch of bullshit.

Anyway, I'm sick of talking about Tiger Woods. DOUCHE!

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