Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Douche of the Day: Geriatric Drivers
I'm positive there is nothing I hate more (besides Republicans) than geriatric drivers. Maybe it's because I have road rage so bad that it might kill me one day, but when I get behind an old person in traffic, I have the urge to floor it and smash into the back of their car. I swear to god if I did not have insurance, I'd do it!
The worst day to encounter these douches is on Sunday mornings/afternoons. They just mosey down the fucking interstate like they don't have nowhere to be. While the rest of us civilized people are either driving home from someone's house we crashed at after a night of boozing, or on our way to get some form of fast food to cure a hangover. Out of my way, Grandma Fuckface! Just because you're not in a hurry to drive (or die) doesn't mean the rest of us have to fucking suffer.
I truly believe that after like age 55 you should be required to take a driver's test. It's a pass/fail basis and if you fail it once, you're shit out of luck for driving again. You better hope they let your ass drive in heaven (or hell, wherever you go), because you ain't driving here. And if you pass you are retested until you fail. Sorry gramps, take the fucking bus to Walmart for your Preparation H and your bag of Werther's Original.
I also love how these fucks always have the same car. You know IMMEDIATELY if you are in the vicinity of a geriatric driver (as if them going 45 in a 70 on the interstate wasn't a big enough red flag) because they are driving some sort of vehicle that has a length comparable to a boat or motorhome. Lincoln Towncar. The Crown Victoria. Oldsmobiles. Buicks. You get the point. You'd think with Ethyl's fucking glaucoma she wouldn't be able to navigate that som'bitch.