Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Sous Flay Speaketh: An Expose on Douchebaggery and Asshattery

Okay so we all know Bobby Flay is "the original douche". He was the inspiration to start this blog and any kind of Bflay news I must share, it's my civic duty. So I follow him on twitter, as a lot of us do. It's a running joke that we all abuse Bobby Flay on there because he never reads anything anyone says so we all harass him. I, personally, on numerous occasions have told him he is ugly, I hate him, he probably has sex with Tom Cruise, and that I would like to have his wife. No matter, Bobby don't read that shit anyhow.

Then, two fateful nights ago, Sous Flay tweets "why all the hate? let's chill and drink a mojito" or some fucking shit. Prompting the rest of us to muster a big "W-T-F?" Well we assume it's some sort of trickery and we continue to harass. I ask Bobby very crassly if he knows teh ladiez enjoy his wife and he fucking responds to me. So then this banter goes on and I will be one to admit that my black and rotten heart did melt for just a moment, and momentarily I did feel bad because here's Bobby Flay, the doucher himself up hanging with us twitterati members and trying to be civil.

I found myself at an impasse... here's Bobby being nice and I couldn't even come up with a civil question to ask him. Eventually I did ask him what his favorite beer was, to which he said Sam Smith's Nut Brown Ale which I will say is a damn good beer - I cannot fault the man there. But yes, beginning to feel kind of bad for the mean things we all said... Until he decides to hit on some leatherface (thanks Kris! :) skank from Real Housewives... Hey fuckface, remember you have a wife? Right? You were just talking about her! So here's proof thanks to the wonderful and ever-quick Vannessa...

Okay wow that's awesome Bobby. You totally just did that. So anyway, I guess Bobby must have realized that perhaps he need not be so open about the fact that he's a disgusting womanizer. The guilt ate away ate our least favorite chef and decided to immediately delete it...

Obviously Sous Flay did not watch his Sesame Street because as Bert and Ernie used to fucking say, "one of these things is not like the other!" So my heart has returned to black & rotten and my hatred for the Bflay is still intact and Stephanie March continues to deserve exponentially better. I have a feeling this will not be my last twitter post about the tomfoolery of Bobby Flay on twitter.

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