Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Douche of the Day: Sarah Palin

In honor of Seksi Sarah Palin's fiction novel/autobiography coming out yesterday, I thought it would be the perfect time to give her the credit she deserves here on this blog. Mayjah DOUCHE. This is such a huge douche that I don't even know where to begin. Let's see, you all know Seksi Sarah as Alaska's former governor and John McCain's running mate during the 2008 presidential election. She was the Republican Party's sacrificial lamb and became the laughingstock of America by the time Election Day rolled around.

Examining her credentials, we see she's definitely qualified to run for public office. She transferred schools four times before she landed her BA in journalism, and oh yeah she won Miss Congeniality in the Miss Alaska pageant. As governor, she was a total hit with the lovers of the environment by signing a bill to allow people to hunt wolves, as to increase the moose and caribou populations for OTHERS to hunt. And she was a big supporter of drilling for oil in Alaska - DRILL BABY, DRILL. No matter that she had no problem depleting the natural resources of her state. But I digress.

She pissed off a lot of folks in the mass media because they demanded to see birth certificates and medical records for her alleged youngest son Trig, to clear up the rumors that her daughter Bristol was actually the mother, but couldn't pony it up. Didn't help her case too much. And then the issues of campaign spending and shopping sprees for the campaign prompted a McCain aide describe it as, "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast." LMFAO.

Her accidental humor and wit (much like that of George W. Bush) really helped her public image. There was the hockey mom/lipstck on a pig joke that no one really got, there were her fucking retarded jokes/comments during debates that a) made her look like the moron she is and b) made it WAY too easy for Tina Fey to go on SNL and make us all piss ourselves. Some of my favorite quotes from Seksi Sarah include "Only dead fish go with the flow." (Said when she resigned as governor). And the infamous "As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." which she said in an interview when asked how living in Alaska gave her foreign policy experience. For more idiocy, check this out. These assclown antics prompted many quotes about her that were fucking classic.

A douche? You betcha!!

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