Douche of the Day: Dick Cheney

You all knew this shit was coming. This motherfucker has more lives than a damn cat, first off. He's on like his fifteenth heart-attack since age eleven, right? But in all fairness, if I were Dick Cheney's heart, I'd fucking peace out as much as possible too. If you wonder why that is, google Dick Cheney's quotes concerning the use of torture. But back to bad hearts... You saw him roll up (literately) to the Inauguration this past January in a wheel chair and you KNOW America collectively thought "damn get this asshat on the donor list!" But alas, he just had a mishap moving boxes. Plus I can think of millions of more deserving recipients to a new heart. I think it's in his genetic makeup to fucking reject a heart. It makes sense. If you wonder why, again, google his quotes on the use of torture.

There's a lot to say about him and I'll try to stick to the finer, funnier points. Mostly when we think of douche + Dick Cheney, outside his policies, we think of that one time he was drinking and hunting with his buddies, and aimed at a bird and shot his friend. (Did you forget the difference between up and down?) Oh and when he told his colleague on the Senate floor to go fuck himself. Haha nice job, fuckface.

But to bring it to real Serious Sally about Dick Cheney for a moment, let's look at his service record... oh, wait, he applied for a deferment to get out of going to 'Nam FIVE times? Why? Oh because he "had other priorities in the '60s than military service"? Yet he's so ready to send all our brave men and women to the Middle East? Yeah I think we all have other priorities other than Bush & Dick's silliness in the sandbox, but I don't think I could ever apply for a deferment if I wanted to. Fuckface.

So you're the Douche of the Day, Dick. Hope you're enjoying your time at home and eating 12 pounds of bacon and hunting daily.